Instruction from Coach Kane

April 1, 2010

2010-04-02T19:02:00.001-04:00

My friend Bob started a website called www.onlyamonth.com that I really kind of like. The idea is that you do one thing every day for one month with no days off. I completed my first challenge for the month of February and recently sent him a blog post about my project. It was my goal to use my exercise ball every day for a month instead of just kicking it around the house or using it as an impromptu chair. Well, it worked. I somehow managed to do at least one set every stinkin' day for 30 straight days. I had to rouse myself out of bed on a few occasions, but I got it done. I think the key was that I chose a realistic goal. I didn't need to do 3 sets, I didn't need to do so many reps that I began to hate it, I just set the bar at an attainable height.

So, this being the start of a new month, I've been trying to come up with another project. I think I've come up with another one that is achievable.

The goal this month is to send one e-mail every day to one of my contacts that I'm not so much in contact with or to send an e-mail to a new contact. I think this will be a good way to touch base with lots of old friends and possibly a way to spark up some new friendships. I know that I love checking my e-mail when I get an unexpected note from someone, so I'm about to spread the wealth around.

Today, I opened up a dialogue with my biochemistry TA Agnes by asking her for some help regarding her note taking techniques during class. She uses a laptop just like I do to follow along with the powerpoint presentations, but she is able to do things to that powerpoint presentation to jot down notes or stress important portions of the lecture in ways I only wish I knew how to. Well, it turns out she's using Adobe Acrobat Professional. It's a $60 program from the computer store that I know own. We're going to meet Monday outside of her scheduled office hours so she can show me her tricks. See, I'm already experiencing new things because of this challenge.

What can you do for only a month?

20 years is not long enough

2010-02-08T21:53:00.000-05:00

I had to have my cat put down today. It was one of the most horrible things I've ever had to do. She was in acute renal failure, so her kidneys were just not filtering the toxins from her blood any more. Fortunately, she got sick quickly and she wasn't in pain. We were best friends for 14 years and I'm so sad to not have her with me any more.No matter how crappy my day was, she didn't care, but she shared in my joy when I had a great day.

That's What's Up!

2009-08-18T17:47:00.004-04:00

While I haven't been much of a blogger over these past few months, I am still going to try to make a go of it. I've recently been having some difficulties with my academic plans. I'll summarize: I'd been informed by my local community college that I'd reached the maximum number of credit hours they'll allow while still receiving financial aid. So, basically, I had to foot the bill myself or go to MSU and pay 3X the amount I'd have to spend at school here in town. I've also been reading a lot of forum posts on the Student Doctor Network and getting an honest look at medical school from those in it or about to be in it. The picture they paint isn't nearly as rosy as you would hope for, particularly considering my position. I also found a very similar forum site for PA students and PA's alike that seems to offer an alternative....an alternative I'd previously denied, but am now very seriously reconsidering.

Here's the run-down of the events. Pardon the typos. That picture is the Biomedical Sciences building at Western Michigan University, home of the PA program of choice for me...well, if it's in the cards and all.

KCC denied my request for financial aid. I had to fill out an appeal and I found out that it got denied last night. I went to the office this morning and they told me no again, but in person, so I knew the jig was up. Right after that I went to Western for their PA school open house. I've never been in a building like that. It is 5 years old and just the most amazing place you could imagine to go to school. I was really impressed with everything, but a little disheartened to learn that my clinical hours as an x-ray student will only count for something in the neighborhood of .5 hour/per, so that sets me back a little bit and also, my hours as a TA won't be held in as high esteem as some other more respectable jobs that involve patient contact. I need at least 1000 hours, but to be competitive, I need much more than that. The incoming class average for patient contact hours was 4600. The good news is that I've got at least a full year of school left before I can really even apply, so that means I'll just keep racking up hours.

I got home and started trying to enroll for classes at MSU since they did give me financial aid without any grief. The last time I had checked, all of the classes I need were full, but when I checked today, there were some openings. I tried to enroll, but no luck, something about not having an enrollment date. So, a call to the registrars office took care of that in a matter of minutes. I started adding the biology classes and found the physics classes I wanted, but turns out I couldn't enroll in that. I apparently didn't have the necessary prerequisite. So, another call to the registrar to find out if the trigonometry that I took would work and it apparently came over as a transfer, it's just that the prerequisite I needed was college algebra. Well, I studied hard to take the KCC placement test in order to test out of college algebra. I had to do that in order to even take trig. Next came the call to the physics department where I performed some smooth over the phone manipulation of this sweet young lady, who, so impressed by my phone voice and relative maturity, agreed to waive that college algebra requirement and allowed me into physics.

Bam! There I am enrolled and ready to go for the fall semester in just over 1 hour of work when prior to leaving the house this morning, I had no idea where I was going to school, what I was going to take or how it was gonna get it paid for. I didn't have to sell my stock and I only have to make the 1 hour commute to East Lansing Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Now, I've got to pull myself away from this computer and do some rapid learning of organic chemistry for my final tomorrow morning.

That's what's up.

I found him

2009-08-07T23:58:00.004-04:00

Turns out my esteemed professor of chemistry that mysteriously disappeared mid-semester actually had a pretty good reason for it all. My anger and frustration seems to have gotten the better of me during this period. I should be a little more understanding after all. He died. No, really, he is no longer breathing fresh air. I found the obituary in late July that indicated he passed away in early July. I'm not exactly sure what happened between his unannounced departure from my class and his untimely demise, but it's pretty irrelevant considering. I feel kind of crummy about whining like a little child, but sometimes I can get caught up in things and not really see the forest for the trees.

I'm rapidly approaching the end of the Organic Summer. I've been taking organic chemistry at Michigan State since the beginning of the summer session. I missed a 4.0 in orgo I by four lousy points on the final, and am solidly positioned in orgo II for a good grade, but I still have a quiz, a test, and the final to plow through. We shall see....

Summer is just a great time to be on campus in East Lansing. Granted, this isn't my first summer up there, but I would bet that it's the first summer that I've really had some appreciation for it. When you hear people say things like, "Michigan State really has a beautiful campus...", they're really not giving the proper amount of credit to the place. There's really just such a striking variety of beauty that it's hard to describe to someone who hasn't been there. Aside from young, healthy, and beautiful people everywhere, there's an amazing variety of gardens that are scattered around campus. I've been skating on my roller hockey skates everywhere which has allowed me to cover some territory and possibly even shed a pound or two. The breaks between lecture and recitation have allowed me study in out of the way places undisturbed. It's pretty amazing. I'll post some pictures I shot today later this weekend. Right now, it's time for bed.

Where art thou?

2009-03-18T20:16:00.001-04:00

Where in the hell is my chemistry teacher? Tonight was the third class in a row in which he has failed to show up. It was the second in a row for him to skip without so much as a notice from the school secretary on the door. What gives? WTF!?

The department chair and the lead chemistry instructor happened to be around before class started and they both stopped in to our class to apologize on my slack ass instructors' behalf. They were trying to reach him apparently, but to no avail, and he didn't show once again. He's such a horrible teacher to begin with, that his absence is no great loss, but it is disconcerting. I really want to and need to learn this stuff. My efforts to work my way through the material on my own, I fear, are not going to be strong enough for me to recall this information a year from now when I sit for the MCAT. I've been meeting with a tutor twice a week for the past few weeks and that's been pretty helpful, but our time together can only clear up some of the confusion I've found myself getting into through my self-learning program.

It might be important to stress how horrible my instructor is in terms of preparation for class and labs. While this is the first time he's taught this class at this location, his credentials would indicate that he would be able to teach this class without any difficulty. He shows up for class and glances at the power point presentation he got from the other instructor for the very first time. Then, he attempts to lecture from this power point presentation. He literally has never seen the presentation until minutes before he tries to lecture from it. He has no idea what our labs will be like until he finishes the Monday lecture and opens the door to the lab. There is absolutely no planning of any kind going on.

I'm not the only student in class that feels this way. As we were waiting as a class for him to show up, this third time, three of the nine people in class admitted to approaching the department chair about our concerns regarding his inappropriate comments in lab and regarding his lack of planning or effectiveness in teaching the material.

All may not be lost! My chemistry teacher from last year that happened to be waiting around to speak with my instructor volunteered to put his finger in the dike. He taught the class and even gave a bonus quiz. The contrast in teaching styles was striking. I honestly think I learned as much, if not more, during the 90 minute lecture than I have all semester.

I don't know what will happen or what to even expect on Monday. I've taken a whole lot of college classes and I've never had a teacher just flake out like this. I've also never hoped for a teacher to go away quite like I'm hoping he goes away.

In Search of Curiosity

2009-03-13T19:57:00.004-04:00

My new pleasure reading these past few weeks has been this ridiculously dorky book, “In Search of Memory: The Emergence of a New Science of Mind” by Eric R. Kandel. This guy is the leading researcher in neurobiology and his book chronicles his discoveries and his career.

I've always been interested in how our conscious and unconscious minds work in harmony, or disharmony as the case may be, with each other. How is it that our experiences are transferred into memory both short and long term? Well, this guy is looking into it and he's been doing so for 40 years.

It's funny when I talk with my colleagues in the x-ray department about big topics like this because I get that thousand yard stare from them. It's actually comical, but I imagine from their doe eyed perspective, I must be pretty comical as well. Who really ponders this kind of stuff throughout their mundane working days? How can I find them and why am I surrounded by people with no curiosity whatsoever?

When I'm hanging around the science building at school, I can get a completely different reaction from my current and former teachers. Their reactions to these big picture topics are full of excitement and offerings of resources to get more information. My microbiology teacher just about jumped out of her chair when I started asking her about the enzyme formations that might be possible in the creation of long term memory. She slapped a brochure in my lap and it featured a series of lectures from the author of this book I'm currently reading, Eric Kandel. My teacher leads me to a fascinating web site http://www.hhmi.org/biointeractive/ which is run by the Howard Hughes Medical Institution. I find myself really grateful to have such easy access to my teachers at school, and wonder if I would find such enthusiasm for my curiosity at the university level. Then, I wonder if at the university level, I would have long ago been pointed toward this web site and have learned long ago of Eric Kandel's work. I nevertheless doubt that the impersonal environs of a university would have fostered my curiosity the way my community college experience has. *

* I don't think I'm supposed to end a sentence with this type of word, but my mom and brother, the english teachers, can inform me of my prepositional fau paux soon enough.

The grossest

2009-03-09T22:24:00.002-04:00

If you have ever had the misfortune of coming into contact with a diabetic foot ulcer, you will understand where I'm coming from when I state without hesitation that those things are the grossest damn things ever!

The worst diabetic ulcers in my opinion are those worn by diabetics that just can't seem to care for themselves very well for whatever reason. There is a mixture of odors associated with this unpleasant encounter. There's the stale cigarette lingering on top of the body odor which is actually a mixture of caked skin, dirt, sweat, and urine. These two unique smells mix well with the ripe odor of putrid flesh rotting just inches from your olfactory bulb.

I had to x-ray this patient today with a really gnarly foot that comes in second in my all-time horrific diabetic foot encounters. The worst being on a night shift in the MRI department where the exposed bone was infected with osteomyelitis that was visible to the unaided eye. Anyway, I'm trying to take pictures of this poor guys foot, but it's impossible without me actually holding the thing in position because first, it had become so misshapen that it had taken on a banana curve, and second, because he had lost so much voluntary muscle control because of his diabetically caused neuropathy that he literally couldn't bend his knee without me bending it for him. On the bright side, I was able to get a good hold of his urine soaked jeans and get in position for chunks of skin to fall to the floor because his other leg had been amputated below the knee previously.

I kept thinking that I could smell that unique bouquet for hour after this adventure and only now coming to grips with the fact that the nightmare is over.

Weeks have passed

2009-03-09T00:45:00.000-04:00

It's been quite some time since I've written a blog entry, but there's no time like the present, which currently is shortly after midnight Sunday night.

A lot of things have happened in the past few weeks.

First, my pre-professional meeting at MSU went fairly well. Turns out, I wasn't too far off track in the planning of my pre-med activities. Unfortunately, I have to take two fairly low level biology classes before I can take biochemistry or any upper level science courses at MSU. Shortly after getting back to town from my meeting, I ran into my old physiology instructor and explained my predicament. The second of these biology classes won't be taught at KCC, my community college, until the spring semester. The timing here, doesn't help me, so I would have been forced to make the commute to East Lansing to get this class in had my former instructor offered to take me on as an independent study. So, it all works out well, I'll be taking BIO 109 and 110 as well as Physics at KCC in the fall. In the spring, I'll be taking biochemistry, physics, and zoology at MSU. Also during that spring, I'll be doing some significant MCAT preparation and will take the monster test in March or April. After that, I apply to med schools in June and keep my fingers crossed for an interview or two and possibly early admission.

My first mock registry for the radiography boards came back and I did much better than I thought I would and significantly better than most of my classmates. While my disdain for the entire program knows no bounds and grows daily, I will be appreciative of the degree when I'm done and getting the credentials is no small feat. I've got the next mock registry scheduled for Tuesday, just a couple of days away, but I've started preparing with some of the registry prep material I've gathered along the way.

Chemistry continues to be a challenge. The largest I'm finding right now is my frustration with my instructor. His lectures just seem to leave me feeling like I would have been better off going over the material on my own. He gives the impression that he's looking at his power point presentation for the very first time five minutes before he gives his lecture. His preparation is a tad bit on the disappointing side, but I've just got to get through it. On the bright side, I've convinced my lap partner, who's very easy on the eyes by the way, to get together on the weekend and do some power studying. We spend 4 hours Saturday slogging through some homework problems. Also, I've locked down the Tuesday and Thursday tutoring slots with the science departments tutor with open hours. She's been wildly helpful in showing me the small mental leaps I've been missing to get to the end of the homework problems.

I spent last week in interventional radiology. I'm really glad I got exposed to the environment because it really seems interesting. This is the department that places stents in arms, legs, and heads. The cardiovascular interventional unit is upstairs at my hospital and I won't be seeing what they're up to. Anyway, I got to spend some time watching a neurointerventionalist do his thing. He cut off the blood supply to a woman's brain tumor for about four hours in preparation for it's removal by a neurosurgeon the following morning. I've got to say, he was quite a character. He had everyone in the department on such pins and needles at every moment by his sheet attitude. Had I any interest in being a tech in this department, I don't think I would appreciate his quirks, but imagining myself in his shoes someday, I came away from the experience with a better understanding of the purpose of his sometimes tyrannical nature. The techs that he works with spend all their time trying to anticipate his every need and the patient's every need. They do this in the hopes that they will receive some sort of appreciative word from him. Whenever something isn't done properly or quickly enough for him, he grunts and shouts his disapproval and annoyance. As a guy in the corner hiding under his lead apron, I couldn't help but smile and laugh whenever he'd get the techs to scurry around and be frightened of his wrath. The reason, beside the obvious humor of it all, that I appreciated this was that he was in complete control of his surrounding and had the interest of his patient in mind at all times. Every precaution, every detail, literally everything was done per his instructions at some previous moment or on the fly, but everything was done so that the patient was in the best possible care. The man actually had a small wire inside this woman's brain for 4 hours and he was injecting material with the sole intention of cutting off blood supply to a specific portion. There can really be only a few other things in medicine with as much significance as something like that. Amazingly, while he was doing the procedure, he spent the time quizzing the tech working with him and myself about the vascular anatomy of the brain. Even at the disadvantage that I'm in as an inexperience x-ray tech in the making, I was able to keep up with his questioning. This poor woman has presented with pulsatile tinnitus. That's where you hear your own pulse in one of your ears. Sometimes tinnitus presents as a ringing or buzzing in your ears. There's actually something in the nature of 14 different types, but he grilled me on the tinnitus part because of my experience in MRI and that's one of my standard history taking tricks when I'm preparing a patient for a brain MRI. Well, all in all, I had a good week in interventional and have to say that I'm intrigued to the point that I may have to inflict myself upon this doctor in an effort to find out how he got to be the doctor that he is today.

On the blog front, I've been reading some interesting ones. The med students that find the time to actually do it on a regular basis, they're the ones I enjoy reading the most. I'm starting to feel as if I know them a little bit and can get a sense of them as people through their writing. I hope I can find the time to be better at this, but procrastination is a difficult habit to break.

Is this too much???

2009-02-15T23:14:00.002-05:00

Scholarship deadlines are approaching and I've been asking a few trusted teachers and advisors for some letters to give me a leg up. My academic advisor agreed to the request and asked me to send her a letter that I wrote and that she'd put her own spin on that framework. Well, I thought that this was too good to pass up and since she and I have a friendly, sarcastic, jovial sort of irreverent relationship, I let the fingers fly. Is it too much??

Mrs. Barney,

I'm writing you a letter to be used on my behalf for the procurement of scholarship funds to further my education. Please consider the following:

To Whom It May Concern:

In the three years I have known Eric Kane, I have had the great fortune to get to know one of the best students I have come into contact with in my long career here at Kellogg Community College. Not only have I gotten to know this young man as an individual, I have gotten to know him as a student, leader, and mentor.

As a student, Eric consistently demands the highest standards from himself and from his instructors. Frequently, I have had long conversations with Eric about how his instructors were failing him and we would continue this conversation detailing ways in which we might manipulate his instructors to pull their craniums from the respective anus'. Eric has consistently performed at the highest level in the time I have known him and frequently manipulated his instructors to perform to a standard higher than they had grown accustomed to. In Eric's future academic endeavors, I can only state unequivocably that any funds you have at your disposal ought to be dispersed into his care for the betterment of him and any instructor he comes into contact with.

As a leader, I have witnessed Eric take on a role outside the classroom that only a person with his level of maturity could possibly attempt. His curiosity regarding our Alpha Tau Nada honor society allowed the two of us to have many lively conversations about many esoteric and philosophical ideas. He has convinced me of the impossibility of altruism and the straight up ridiculousness of attempting to instill in our students the idea of altruism as a self-serving and moronic exercise in self-promotion at the expense of those of lesser fortune than ourselves. I've known Eric to tutor a young Burmese student in a biology course he never took in an effort to move this poor student along in the system. Eric really takes to heart that popular ideal these days of no child left behind. That concept resonates deeply within Eric to include his fellow college classmates and high school students bilking the system within our pseudo-collegiate environment. Given the financial resources, I am confident Eric will take these leadership abilities to the university level and spread his good cheer to other unsuspecting souls suffering under the cloud of societal delusion.

Eric has also become a mentor to some of his fellow classmates in the radiography program and I am sure that at the next level, and given the financial ability to do so, he will continue to be a positive role model. By pointing out the abject misery of the technologists working in the area hospitals and by declaring to anyone that will listen the moronic nature of the program itself, Eric has distinguished himself. I feel the need to elaborate of Eric's stance on the nature of the program and how it has affected me as a Kellogg Community College employee. This selective program is now accepting 22 students per year into it's ranks. The didactic portion which could put to sleep a hippo on meth, is challenging in it's own ways, particularly since the instructors have such a minimal knowledge of science as a field and have never had any formal educational training. The clinical portion, which can and will lead to the loss of ridiculous amounts valuable time, will be spent in the company of small armies of technologists at area hospitals that haven't removed themselves from their worn chairs in years. These same technologists will spew forth venom of various sorts that will only strengthen these young idealistic future health care workers. Upon completion of this program, Eric, along with the other 20+ students of the graduating class and future classes will find themselves lining up for absolutely no jobs. That line, if pointed in the right direction, will lead directly back to Kellogg Community College and to our Customer Serivce desk where those same graduates will most likely enroll in more classes and further adding to our enrollment and thus making us all look like huge successes. Fortunately, for Eric and his young friends, and unfortunately for us here at KCC, some of this year's graduates will be leaving the confines of Kellogg Community College for brighter and greener pastures in East Lansing at Michigan State University.

In summary ladies and gentlemen, Eric was awesome and still is, but he's gonna be more awesome somewhere else because there's only so much awesome to go around here at KCC. You should heap loads of money upon him so that he can concentrate on doing the things that he does and stay headed in the right direction.

Yours truly and dearly,
Kathy "The Most Awesome" Barney

Okay, Mrs. Barney, so, this is just a first draft. I was sort of hoping to get some of your voice into this letter, so I really tried hard to take myself out of the narrative. If you'd like to nudge the punctuation around a bit, that would be great. If you've got any other thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

Sincerely,

What language is that?

2009-02-15T18:08:00.001-05:00

While studying for a chemistry test this past week, I found myself looking at my homework with a strangers eyes for just a moment. Just looking at all the foreign looking letters and their seemingly random pairings, with the superscripts and subscript, positive and negative signs, all making perfectly clear sense to me, the thought occurred to me that there's a huge portion of the population to which this junk just makes no sense whatsoever. If you were to glance at this homework, would it entice you to ask, “Hey, whatcha workin' on over there”? Or would you think, “That dude's into some stuff I don't know a damn thing about”?

While taking trigonometry last year, I remember being told that the things we were learning were going to seem as if they were a foreign language and that it was important to remember that in order to keep our perspective. That lesson made much more sense to me as I became intimately involved in Mr. Pythagoras's theories. I think that it's probably just as important for me to carry this lesson with me in my chemistry pursuits. I mean, just look at all that crap. I'm just balancing some redox reactions, I know that this is pure child's play when taken in context with the chemistry knowledge I'll be expected to know as a future medical student, this this looks like Cyrillic mixed with Farsi to me, and I can't recognize either of those languages.

I found this moment of awareness a little refreshing because while I sometimes have to work a little harder at some of this stuff than I'd like to admit, I am getting it, and while getting it, I am becoming a different person. The person I was before I began taking all of these science classes would look at some of this chemistry homework or hear some of the lingo filled conversations I have with my radiography colleagues regarding anatomy and scoff. That person, me, would think that there's no way in hell I could do any of that shit. I would think that it's just not possible for me to know that stuff or to have the patience to even learn that stuff. I'd then internally knock the whole concept as a waste a valuable time and be able to justify my inaction and inability to reach my potential. I would also think that what the hell's the point to learning all that stuff, and I sometimes still think this, but I'm developing some perspective on it all. Right now, and keep in mind, this could change along with the weather, my learning and expanding knowledge base is actually changing me as a human being. My horizon of possibilities is significantly more broad that it was six months ago, 3 years ago, and certainly much greater than it was when I graduated with my first degree from MSU back in '98. It's kind of interesting to look at a page of seeming gobbledygook and know what's going on. It's also nice to be old enough to look at it for what it is. A small building block to bigger and more advanced concepts that will broaden my horizon even further.

2009-02-03T16:40:00.001-05:00

I was lucky enough last Thursday to see Jeff Tweedy in concert at The State Theater in Kalamazoo. A friend of mine called me earlier in the week for the invite and I jumped on it though I knew nothing about Jeff Tweedy except that he was the lead singer of Wilco. I really had a great time. My friend and I, along with his girlfriend and brother went to a Tapas Bar for some fantastic eats and then took in the show. I was trying to remember the last concert I had been to, but the best I could come up with was Kittie at Toad's in New Haven in 2004. I really need to get out more often.

It was a great show and if I can't say as if I've ever experienced one quite like it. First, it was a one man accoustic show. Second, the audience participation with the performer was intimate, lively and fun. Tweedy's sense of humor came through during this interaction wonderfully and had the crowd feeling as if they were a part of the show. It wasn't loud or obnoxious, the fans we're unruly or drunk, it was just a very mature and fun show. I'm so glad I got the invite and that I could make it.

My chemistry instructor saw Tweedy with the rest of Wilco in Ann Arbor over the weekend and a friend of mine from radiography class was at the same show I was at.

Hope you like the pictures.

Will ya just slow down for a second?

2009-02-02T22:38:00.000-05:00

I've got two classes this semester that I'm actually fairly enthused about. I'm taking general chemistry 2 and microbiology. The thing about these two classes is that they both have labs. In my dork mind, this pleases me. I want to know what the hell a real chemistry experiment is supposed to be like. I want to learn from my lab experience what a microbiologist does in the lab. Unfortunately, my experience with my labs has left my inner dork wanting more. Actually, I just want my teachers to slow the hell down and explain to me or the class for that matter what the hell is going on. I consider myself to be fairly bright and capable of understanding what a class curricula might be trying to achieve through the laboratory process, but the current set-up my classes have been employing just leaves me clueless.

So far, I've learned how to turn a microscope on and to make a slide in focus. I've swabbed a Q-tip on a petry dish and seen some gunk grow. Now what? Just what in the hell are we doing in this lab. I'm actually optimistic about this class, my microbiology class, though. The teacher is great. She very thoroughly explains in lecture everything that we need to know and actually has a way of deviating from a structured lesson plan to include tangential information that I find intellectually pleasing. I have a sneaking suspicion that as this semester continues, that my laboratory experience in microbiology is going to be entirely different long-term than my chemistry class is going to be.

My chemistry class is being taught by an adjunct who is teaching this class for the first time here at my college. While I'm sure that he's a very capable chemist and his background in teaching at the collegiate level is impressive, I'm just not sure he's prepared for this class. After sitting through a couple weeks worth of lectures, I'm finding myself disapproving of his style and preparation much more frequently than I approve of it. I suppose that I can accept that he's a new teacher and that he may not be familiar with the text. I can accept that he's learning as he goes what the college expects to be taught and in what order. I can also accept that my mastery of the material will probably be as a result of my own hard work and the intimacy I develop with my text. What I'm finding a little more difficult to accept is the absolute chaos that the lab experience in chemistry is turning out to be. I do the pre-lab work, I have a general idea of what we're going to be doing, but I think that I'm doing more pre-lab work than my instructor is. The haphazard way in which we measure and titrate various chemicals relates somewhat to our lecture material, but it's just impossible to see the big picture when no one knows what they're doing.

I really would like to see what a real chemistry experiment is like. If someone would just slow the f&$@ down and explain what we're doing and why, I think I might understand what an experiment is designed for and what I'm supposed to learn. Unfortunately, the rush to get out the door and to have all the appropriate blanks filled in seems to be the priority for both my classmates and my instructor. I'm left wondering what in the hell we just did, why the hell we did it, and what the hell was the purpose. I'm certainly no Einstein, but I'm sort of under the impression that a chemistry lab is supposed to explain some of that stuff to some degree.

I also really want to see what a microbiologist does in the lab and I feel some of the same frustrations here that I feel in chemistry, but I also sense a method to the madness. I have a feeling that my micro teacher has thought this thing through thoroughly and that in a matter of a few weeks, I'll be performing experiments with some direction behind them.

It's always good to have something to look forward to, so I guess I'll cling to my optimism for microbiology and just hope for the best in chemistry. If anything, I'm reinforcing my belief that good planning is good for a reason.

Coming At You Like A Spider Monkey

2009-01-28T21:03:00.002-05:00

Being back at the hospital for my clinical rotation has been pretty interesting so far. Somehow over the past couple of years, I've learned how to shoot some x-rays, so the exams aren't nearly as difficult for me or my classmates to perform. I imagined that upon our return for this, our last semester, that these exams would still be as difficult as they had been, but they're actually getting to be fairly easy for us to do.

Another interesting part about being in the hospital for 8 hours a day is that there are lots of people around you that know stuff; the sort of stuff that I find myself wondering about. I can usually find someone that knows something about these curiosities of mine. The funny thing about being a little older and having the background that I've got as a newspaper photojournalist is that I have no fear whatsoever of approaching complete strangers and asking them questions. For fifteen years, this was my job. Being in a hospital and having a roving and curious mind allows me access to some pretty smart people and I just don't think that they've encountered many people that disregard some of the social boundaries that hospitals allow to exist.

I found this youngish looking fellow a few days ago watching one of our radiologists performing a shoulder arthrogram on a patient. Since I've firmly decided to not pursue a career in radiography, I felt like this was my chance to harangue a med student and gain some insight from someone in the know. So I came at this poor guy like a spider monkey. “Are you a new radiology resident?” “No, a medical student huh?” “What school.” “Nice, I got my undergrad there and I'm thinking of applying to medical school there in a year or so, how do you like it?” “Would you go to medical school again if you know what you know now about it?” …...Suffice it to say, I kept coming at him with questions and they were all great ones that I had wanted to ask some med student, he just happened to be the first to cross my path. Poor guy, he was just taking it easy in radiology and this crazed x-ray student just badgered him for 20 minutes about shit that he's still mulling over. He was a nice enough guy, but his social skills were a little bit off. He became a little uncomfortable in his own skin when he realized that I wasn't impressed with him. Odd, I thought.

I came at the radiologists a little bit like a spider monkey too, but I'm trying to rein it in a little with those guys, 'cause I've got to actually work with them for the next few months. A couple of them I actually got to stop and ponder some of the questions I was asking. It's sort of interesting to talk with some of these guys because it's not a one sided conversation for me like it can be when I talk with other people I know about medicine. They can contribute to a conversation as it evolves, while some people, when I talk to them about this sort of stuff, just sort of reach their limit of knowledge and end up learning more from me than I can from them. I found it interesting that one of the neuroradiologists initially chuckled and off-handedly remarked that I should “get out now” when I told him that I was going to pursue a career as a physician. That's the same thing the x-ray techs told all of us students during our first week of clinicals almost two years ago. Then, it was virtually all of the tech's that told us that. Here, it was just this humorous rad and I think he immediately regretted his off-hand comment. I wasn't offended about it, I think he was alluding to all the hard work that went into the enterprise. He was very frank and thoughtful about talking with me about some of the games that you have to play to distinguish yourself from your peers. He mentioned that those games and the distinguishing efforts don't stop once you get into medical school. Those things continue.

I inflicted myself on this really nice neurologist and a whole office full of neurology technologists that do the EKG's. I really wanted to know why a patient would have bilateral pupils that were not circular. This patients pupils took on a key-hole look. Roughly south, on her pupil is where the irregularity began and the round part swooped down abruptly and then back up abruptly for a period of about 3 mm. It looked very odd and it's been on my mind about what could cause something like that. I don't care really all that much, I just want to know how something like that could happen. Morbid obesity, diabetic ulcers on her lover extermeties, congestive heart failure, COPD, but she looked like she might have a genetic neurologic deficiency. My physiology teacher's on the case, my clinical instructor, the neurologist, a couple of radiology nurses, they're all on the case, but none of this could happen if I didn't have access to these people.

I plan on inflicting myself on some more poor souls soon, but I keep trying to rein in the spider monkey effect.

Survival is Possible

2009-01-25T15:09:00.002-05:00

After the first week of the semester, I'm gonna make a bold prediction and state unequivocally that I'm going to survive. The two most concerning portions of my life this semester, chemistry, and clinicals, I believe to be within my capabilities.

My first day of clinical brought the first sure sign of survivability. Instead of being paired with the students I spent the first semester with, I realized that there was a shuffling of the cards, so to speak, and I no longer have to endure 8 hour days with a certain horrific human that I spent the fall semester with. Instead, I get to enjoy the company of the only other man in my clinical group as well as the cooler, slightly older, and much more mature woman of our group. I can't tell you the relief that gave me to be removed from the constant cattiness of said immature horrific person. The two days of clinical that I spent last week might have been the best two days of my entire time spent at this particular hospital. The stress of being in the same room as this horrific person wore on me. If you can imagine a conglomeration of all the worst aspects of women that you might have ever seen in movies and put those characteristics into a short, angry, bitter, young, and immature woman, put her in sea foam green scrubs and jammed her into a crowded radiology department, this is the woman I endured my fall semester with. Alas, no more! I don't have to work with her any more until the end of my days! Hooray!

The second fearful aspect to my continued existence is my chemistry class. I haven't had chemistry since the spring of last year and my concern about retaining that information, while certainly relevant, is for the most part unfounded. I've spent quite a few hours over past few days pouring over my homework problems and with my head firmly planted in a giant chemistry book. When I slowly remove my head, I'm surprised each time, but it's okay....I'm getting it... it'll be all right. I have a few more problems to do before I lay my head down tonight, but I'm confident I'll be standing at the end of the semester. Well, at least as long as I stay on top of things.

Microbiology is actually very straightforward and easy for me to grasp. The microscopes we're using are very fun and I think I'll actually do very well. I'm going to grow for my first experiment, some yeast that I use when I make my own sourdough bread. I'm tempted to take a culture from my hospital id badge, but frankly, I'm scared of what might show up.

It's funny to be back though. My class schedule allows me to spend some time on campus and I get to see the youth being youthful around me. While I sometimes wish I were younger and going through this collegiate experience, I am glad when I notice my classmates, that I'm not them. They're just so naïve. They're so wrapped up in themselves and what other people think of them, that they're missing the larger picture. They're just not equipped to see the forest for the trees. They don't quite have full access to their frontal lobe processing power. While I sometimes have daydreams of punching the particularly obnoxious ones in the hyoid bone, I have yet to act on these fantasies; yet another testament to the possibility of my survival this semester.

The End Of An Error

2009-01-20T16:20:00.005-05:00

I find myself sitting in the campus theater watching the inaugural address with a handful of other students. It's sort of a subdued event, but CNN is doing their best to bore the shit out of their viewers. The media cadre are the only loud and annoying ones here. Oooh, good, they just left. Figures it's before the actual event that they bug out, but they'll most likely pretend that they were here for the real thing. There's some large woman that's been standing for the past 10 minutes two rows in front of me and it's hampering my view of the Obama children entering. I'm about to throw something at her.

When they pan out for the large view, I can't help but remember being there for the Million Man March. I was there as a photographer covering the event for The State News, my campus newspaper at MSU. What a grueling affair that was. I don't think there would be many people at that time that would tell you there'd be an African American president within the next 15 years. I know I didn't think it would happen as quickly as it seems to have happened. I thought I might see a black candidate, but I was doubtful if I would see an actual elected president of African American ancestry in my lifetime.

I can't help but think that everyone here has a nagging suspicion that there's a slim possibility, but a possibility nonetheless that there could be an attempt on his life if not right now, but in the future. It's such a terrible thought, but a reality in the world that we're living in today. People have very strong feelings about him, but for the most part, the people I've come into contact with are very supportive and hopeful of our new president. Unfortunately, there will always be that segment of the populace that frightens and embarrasses me. It's these people that give rise to the nagging suspicion that some horrible thing might possibly be attempted.

I'm also thinking of President George W. Bush's inaugural after his first election “victory”. I remember watching a Michael Moore film showing how his motorcade had to stop because protesters were throwing eggs. The traditional triumphant march for the president elect was interrupted because of his lack of safety on the streets. While the implied threat to safety still exists, it is interesting to see the different reactions of the public to the two very different men.

There is a sense of optimism and hope that Obama brings to people. Given our current economic climate, I wonder if people just feel a need to be optimistic or if Obama warrants that optimism. One way or another, Obama has inspired optimism in an awfully lot of people, including me, so it's nice to be a part of such an exciting day.

The crowd actually jeered when George W. walked onto the platform. That's crazy. This is the last time that “Hail To The Chief” will ever be played for him. I keep thinking “good” over and over in my head.

God, the pressure on Obama, I can't even imagine. He looks so calm and serene. Man, the speech he's gonna give, whoever wrote it must be sweating bullets.

I've been alive for a few of these transitions of power, but I don't ever recall anything like this. I understand that it's a mixture of Bush being terrible, Obama being black, and the people being so depressed and worried, but this seems like a big deal.

The crowd here in the auditorium cheers as Obama walks onto the platform.

His gaffes are funny, but not too bad, somehow retaining dignity. He's nervous and he should be, there's lots of people watching. He's one of us, fallible.

The crowd here is now larger, maybe 75 in the audience with me and his speech brings some of us to tears, me just a little welling, others, actually crying. What a great public speaker. I can see how he can inspire people like this, he's inspiring me to do something hard. He leaves us all wanting more, but all of us are excited.

What an interesting moment here on the campus of Kellogg Community College and for everyone watching across the country. I think we're seeing something important. A lot of the people in attendance for the address were KCC employees and students. It was nice to see the people that make the college run cheering with the students for our new leader. Their slate faces were transformed into happy and excited faces for just a little bit and we were all rooting for the same guy. If I ever experienced a community moment in community college, this was it.

Then and Now

2009-01-17T19:31:00.004-05:00

It used to be that when I'd take a semester off from school at MSU, getting back in cost me $20 every time and it was a monumental pain in the ass taking a matter of months. Now, I just submit a free application online and received a courteous response the following day congratulating me on my return. Ah, the power of the internet.

It used to be extremely difficult to find resources for such a monumental task such as medical school. Now, the internet is bursting with blogs, college web sites, test prep sites, and helpful organizations.

I used to think that undertaking such a huge task as medical school was for some other type of person. Someone smarter, better, more qualified, more capable. Now, I'm seeing myself as that type of person, one that is smart enough, good enough, and driven enough to make the impossible a real possibility.

I used to type rambling thoughts resembling papers or diary entries into a Brother Word Processor. Now, I've got this dead sexy laptop that I bought for only slightly more than that word processor cost me a hundred years ago. That hunk of electronics was completely unaware of the internet or the possibilities of streaming video, photos, music, games. This beautiful piece of contemporary art is an entertainment center and a gateway to the world around me.

Things used to be learned at the library because of it's vast store of accumulated knowledge. Things can now be learned anywhere thanks to the glory of the internet and it's vast store of accumulated bits and bytes.

I am currently enjoying the freedom that my recent decision to firmly commit to medical has afforded me. I can now focus on the huge task at hand instead of debate the relative merits of one career path versus another. This in itself has been a very liberating change in my mental activity. I'm having fun exploring the wealth of information available to my fingertips and planning ways of focusing my energy. I'm also enjoying this sweet laptop and the geographic boundaries that I've been unleashed to enjoy. My desktop is wonderful is is still a great place for me to spend time, but the portability and personalization that this laptop affords me is also simply a beautiful thing.

Turns out my family wasn't too surprised about my decision as I suspected. It's hard not to suspect things like that when I'm reading books like “How to Study in Medical School” and “Med-School Confidential”, but I'm not taking this decision lightly and I've been a waffler regarding this subject up until a few days ago. It really was great to hear, "Go for it." Thanks Mom.

I'm currently in search of some MCAT prep material that I can use while going through the next phase of my education, namely chemistry, organic, biochem, and physics. If any of you have any thoughts out there, please comment on them and I'll let you know what I find and if it's of any help.

The Fork in the Road

2009-01-14T19:45:00.000-05:00

My meeting at Michigan State with the admissions advisor for the College of Osteopathic Medicine went great. I've got to say, leaving that office, I was in a great mood. I went in full of trepidation, but came out feeling like I was walking toward a place of confidence. It turns out that all that extra stuff I've been doing for the past two years was actually pretty beneficial. That strange part of me that needs to stay occupied and found solace in chemistry, trigonometry, abnormal psych, ethics, criminal psych, microbiology, and now more chemistry....that part is just the sort of part that might make a good lifelong student. The last 16 post-bac science courses are what admissions committees will be concerned with. The ability to handle a significant work load of hard science is an indicator of future success who knew. I'll tell ya' who knew, I did. Sometimes when I say that I got things covered or that don't worry about it, I know what I'm doing...turns out that occasionally, this statement from me is true.

I've been wavering about my direction following my radiography career, but after my meeting, I'm sure that I'm headed in the right direction. The possibilities are still wide and varied, but they're pointed in the right direction. I'm gonna knock out organic 1 and 2 during the summer at either MSU or WMU. In the fall, I'm gonna gruelingly conquer physics, biochemistry, and genetics. The following spring, 1 year from now, I'm gonna begin my preparation for the MCAT and finish any last requirements that I might be needing.

Internally, I've been sort of struggling with this decision because it is such a drastic and large decision. My meeting with the advisor at MSU set me at ease. It turns out that the internal struggle I've been feeling isn't really all that unique to me. In fact, a lot of students face the same sort of problems I've been facing. This curiosity I've been walking around with for years about why things are the way they are and how things work, is a curiosity that leads lots of people to choose careers of extensive learning. I'm not unique in my curiosity and I'm not unique in where it's lead me. Also what's not unique is my apprehension about telling my family about my plans. Fortunately for me, at least in this regard, I am single and relatively untethered. Nevertheless, I am a little skittish about telling my immediate family about my future plans. Turns out that lots of people are. Turns out that there's a degree of embarrassment in announcing to people that you plan on virtually climbing a mountain barefoot. Well, the time has come and since I'm sure that most of my family are already suspicious enough about things as they are, the truth is finally here in front of you...I'm gonna be a doctor.

East Lansing is just great...

2009-01-11T13:59:00.003-05:00

The trip to Michigan State was fraught with danger. On the way up and on the way back, Adam and I must have seen 20 cars in the ditch. I seriously considered turning back a few times, but continued on considering the types of weather that I've driven in before and knowing that if I were just a careful driver that everything would turn out fine.

We got some great food at Woody's Oasis. Man, they sure jacked up the prices on their food since I was last there, but with quality comes a price and I'm more than happy to pay that price for good Middle Eastern food. Chicken Shawarma for me and Kafka for Adam. On my next trip there Tuesday, I'll be bringing home some take out.

Campus was a little dead, but classes haven't started yet for the semester. We found ourselves a quick geocache hidden in a great little park on the south part of campus. It's amazing that a cache can even exist on this campus given the amount of foot traffic that it sees. I took a small geocoin from Kansas that needs to find a new home in another cache fairly soon. (See picture) The location of the cache is right next to the building that I'll be heading to on Tuesday for an academic advising meeting.

We made our way through campus and took a walk through the student book store. For some perverse reason, I like perusing the aisles during the week before class. Such vast accumulated knowledge on those shelves deserves at least a cursory glance. The students working there were ridiculously helpful, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them I was just window shopping. I sent the most eager to please on a wild goose chase to find some pathophysiology books, but it confounded her and I thanked her for her helpfulness.

We found ourselves a coffee joint and talked about our plans for the future. I hope that Adam can find a way to get himself out of his dead end job. He's such a bright guy and has such potential. It's a shame to see that potential being put to it's current use building radiators. If you see him, ask him if he's even close to meeting his potential. I can understand his frustration with his job and I can understand his hesitance to leave it. I try to encourage him to continue taking core college classes so that he'll be in a position to quit and finish a new degree with just a minimum of classes left to take, but I wonder if my encouragement is doing any good.

I'm doing more research today on possible courses of study at MSU and the availability of some classes that I'm sure I'm going to want to take. Football is in full swing and my laundry is done. Things are moving in the right direction.

Nothing beats a great steak

2009-01-10T22:41:00.004-05:00

There's something to be said for a great steak really well cooked. When you first see the hunk of marbled red bovine, you just know that in the right hands, that fleshy morsel might just be that thing in your life that you've been missing. I had the pleasure of having a couple of friends show up tonight bearing three beautiful steaks, a bag of potatoes, and a bunch of asparagus. My friends, knowing me the way they do, knew exactly where to go with such a treasure. After knocking a foot of snow off the grill and a good hour of preparation, the meal was on, and meal doesn't quite do the event justice. I had just power cleaned the kitchen and was in a mood resembling my most kitchen-efficient-hyper-organized self. Things couldn't have gone better in the kitchen and at the table, our gluttonous bellies couldn't have been more pleased. Here's to steak, and a sweet grill to cook it on!

Season both sides liberally with salt, onion powder, garlic powder, and a good pepper mixture. Drizzle with olive oil.

Grill on high heat for 3 minutes, turn 1/4 turn, grill for 3 more minutes. Flip, 3 minutes, 1/4 turn, grill for 3-8 more with top finally down.

Peel and cube a bunch of potatoes. Boil, drain, mash adding milk, 1 small package of sour cream, salt, pepper, and garlic powder.

Snap ends off asparagus and stand on end in water. Drizzle with olive oil, salt, pepper, and lime juice. Place on grill for 6-8 minutes. Remove and drizzle more lime juice over the top.

Brush and slice package of mushrooms. Saute in olive oil on high adding salt, pepper, white wine, A1 steak sauce, and Worcestershire sauce. Reduce liquid to sauce-like consistency, serve over steak.

Let the Preparation Begin!

2009-01-08T23:27:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow I'm heading up to Lansing and the friendly environs of Michigan State University to get an idea of where I'm heading for my academic advising meeting next week. My friend Adam and I are gonna get some Middle Eastern food at one of my favorite joints ever, Woody's Oasis. I'm gonna plug in some GPS coordinates into my handheld GPS device and we're gonna find ourselves a couple of geocaches on campus. Before we hit the highway, I'm gonna swing by the bookstore and get the tomes of information that will be my source of insanity for the upcoming semester. The odds of me showering, shaving, throwing a load of laundry in, and starting the dishes are swiftly approaching those of the betting type. Take the over on this one, I just can't force myself to be a slob for much longer.

It'll be great to be on campus once again. I have great memories of my time at MSU. When I was there for my undergrad, I worked for “The State News”, the college newspaper. Being a photographer for the paper had it's benefits. I got a parking pass that allowed me to park in virtually any spot I wanted. It was choice. Looking for good photos non-stop gave me a pretty intimate knowledge of the campus. I knew an awful lot of unique spots that most students were unaware of. I had a backstage pass in the form of my camera and press pass to an awful lot of areas that most people just don't get the opportunity to venture in.

Leaving the house on a little day trip is probably in order. My self-imposed exile has pretty much run it's course. There will be a brief return to the slovenly nature I've been living over the weekend as the playoff football ritual will of course commence with me in dutiful attendance. Next week will be one of preparation and planning. Count on it, all the ducks will be sitting in something resembling a row, and my i's and even my t's will be appropriately dotted and crossed.

Time Well Spent??

2009-01-08T14:40:00.004-05:00

I'm well into my break between semesters and I've reached a level of sloth that makes me feel as if I've accomplished something. My facial hair has reached virtually unbearable levels of scratchiness, and my pile of laundry is twice the size of my laundry hamper. I have managed to read a couple of books and my skills in PS3 soccer are becoming impressive. I have to admit that my unreasonable laziness is partly purposeful. Normally, I'm not at all the worthless slug that I currently am. Catch me in the midst of any semester and you'd be hard pressed to find any chinks in my armor, but right now, I'm all chinks and blemishes. The thing is, I know things are going to change dramatically in the very near future. I'm aware that my class load is going to require the sort of focus that I actually thrive under. Beyond my class load and preparing for my R.T. Boards, I'll be planning the next phase of my education. For me, the planning of the next phase will most likely include all of the recommended steps, talking with people in the know and securing all the advice I can get from the people whose opinions I value. Subconsciously, I'm already making to do lists and planning on ways to increase my efficiency. I rather wish that I could turn that subconscious part of my mind off for a little while, but some things are just not possible.

The hopes I have for my current disheveled state are to flood that lazy part of me with gratification so that I won't feel the need to nourish that part for an extended period of time. Somehow, I find it difficult to keep this act up. I can't help myself from staring at the calendar and planning the emergence from my self-imposed cocoon.

I wonder what those of you that find yourself reading this post might think about a planned period of inactivity in anticipation of an extended period of hyperfocus. Am I delusional in thinking that this plan might keep the razor's edge sharp, so to speak? I suppose it's all theoretical at this point because the facial hair is still making me itch and the laundry is at a level that can be described as mountainous. I do have some video games that could stand a little attention if only to keep the urge at bay when I most need my focus later this semester.

If at my next post I've shaved and done the laundry, you'll know that my self-imposed exile from the known universe has ended. I suppose that the time is coming, but I am trying my best to enjoy my vacation for as long as I can. My next author is John Barth and his postmodern adventure called “Coming Soon!!!”. We'll see if I can hide in his words for a couple more days, but this inactivity is hard to keep up.

A little background

2009-01-02T11:02:00.000-05:00

My adult life began on the campus of Michigan State University. As a budding young photojournalist, I presented myself at the college newspaper, The State News, my freshman year with my “portfolio” and somehow got hired on the spot. I had been working for The Battle Creek Enquirer as a high school student for a couple of years. From that point on, I was determined to being a newspaper photographer. It took me six years to get through MSU, but I had four internships along the way, which explains the delay. An internship in the newspaper racket consists of taking a semester off from school and moving to a new town where you work as a staff photographer for a few months. You learn the business and hone your craft while slowing improving and adding to your portfolio. It's that portfolio that ultimately gets you into consideration for a staff job upon graduation. All that hard work paid off for me as I got a call from the New Haven Register offering me a full time job just as I had finished my last internship at the Indianapolis Star and News. All the hard work had apparently paid off.

I spent the next five years working for the paper and coming to the realization that I just didn't want to exploit other people's misery for a living any longer. The newspaper biz is really the reaffirmation of the cycle of life. Every year, the high school football season starts and we take pictures and write stories about it. Every year, some fool gets arrested for doing something stupid, and we follow him around and hound him like a wounded animal. Every year, people die tragically, and we cover their stories like vultures feeding on the dead. I was and am done with newspapers. While I still retain my ability as a photographer, I just don't have much interest in it. Somehow, what began as a hobby, a joy at seeing my photographs appear out of nothing in the chemicals of a dark room, turned into a hatred of how photographs are used in the media. I've since tried to regain some joy from my photography, but my attempts have for the most part fallen short, although I would like to play with my Bronica ETRS 645 a little more.

Back home to Battle Creek I came after quitting my job and determined to find a job that I could live with myself doing. It took me a while, but I found radiography, and that seemed to be a good fit. Shooting x-rays of people that actually needed pictures taken of them. This, I thought, I could handle. It turns out that during the classes I needed to get into the program I realized that I was a really good student. I can devour information as an alarming rate and retain way too much of it. I would sometimes find information from class to be a little unclear and would research more and present it to my instructors. I'm just a curious person by nature. I want to know why things are the way they are. I want to know what things are for and how they work.

After getting into the radiography program, I began to realize that those questions that I have were not going to be answered. It turns out that “why things are the way they are” or “what is that and what's next for the patient” aren't really concerns for the average radiographer. I'm realizing that whatever knowledge, curiosity, and concern I have for a particular patient are irrelevant beyond taking a good x-ray. I've spent enough time in one career that didn't challenge me to start another that won't as well. My suspicions of radiography as a career began before I started the program so I started taking extra classes that might position me for larger goals. Some math, some chemistry, some psychology; every semester I was and am taking something extra and none of it is beyond my ability, although trig was it's own special beast.

PA school seemed the obvious choice for me, but I have such reservations about it, that I need to investigate all of the options. I've read books, talked with PA's and docs alike. Everyone's got different opinions. I shadowed a PA over the summer in orthopedics. While I didn't necessarily dislike what I saw, I did see some limitations over his actions that I suspect might eventually pose problems for me. I just don't think that I want to be a mid-level provider for the remainder of my working years. I don't want to be holding the leg as another guy performs the surgery for the next 15-20 years. It's entirely possible to find myself as a PA working under a doc that I simply can't stand or that treats his or her PA's like foot soldiers. That's just not gonna work for me. After reading some medical blogs, my impression is that doctors think PA's as power nurses. It's as if the PA sifts through the pile to find a nugget and then presents the nugget to the doc. I don't think I'm going to be happy doing that.

Since getting involved in the health field, I have been reminded of my own mortality, I'm 34. Each of us could go at any time and our time with each other should be spent well. I know that I have a love of learning and am intrigued by the workings of the human body. I really want to know how and why it works. I want to be able to help someone that really needs help and I want to know what to do next. I've only got another year of classes to go before I can apply to PA programs or before I can take the MCAT. Either way, I'm too close to disregard either possibility, but at my age, I need to make some very important decisions. PA school, the 10K run, or Med school, the marathon.

So you wanna netbook?

2008-12-31T10:51:00.001-05:00

As far as that netbook goes that you're now considering. I think it's a cool thing. It would be neat I think if everyone had a little machine in the kitchen to putter around the internet on. Here's the deal with netbooks, they're hot, real hot right now. I think you should consider exactly what you want this machine to do for you then move on from there. My netbook, the Acer Aspire One, is the most basic netbook you can get and I saw a price just after Christmas of $280. I saw it today for $320. It is a great internet machine, and is an overall great little thing if that's all you want it for. For the most part, most people don't use their laptops for much more than writing the occasional e-mail or text document and some web browsing. On the whole, though, most people have way too much machine for their purposes. If you're aware of the limitations of the netbook and don't care too much about it, then I think you should seriously consider it. There is no CD/DVD drive, so there's no getting information onto your netbook without some hassle. My netbook runs a Linux operating system, and I wish that I had gone for the XP version if only to download iTunes and to be able to move music to mom's iPod. I could store a lot of different stuff on an SDHC (Secure Digital High Capacity) card, and shown mom how to swap stuff from that potentially 8-16 GB card to her 4 GB iPod. The hard drive on my laptop is an 8 GB SSD (Solid State Drive). That means that there are no moving parts. This is a good thing for durability. You can throw the netbook from the entryway to your bedroom all the way onto your bed and watch it bounce around without worrying about messing up something vital. Not something I would recommend with a regular hard drive. They connect wirelessly with very little problems. My Aspire One came with Open Office, which is the open source (free to download) version of microsoft word, excel, powerpoint, etc. Any documents you want to work on is no problem. You can then e-mail them to a different account and retrieve them on a different more advanced machine or you can save it to a flash drive. My mom, who I got this netbook for, is keeping her Christmas Card list on the netbook, I don't know what else she would want to type up in a word document since she so rarely uses it. She got all frustrated just before she left because she was trying to make that Christmas Card list on her desktop, but realized that there's no word processing program installed on her machine. That's the first she knew of that limitation on her desktop and that should give you an idea of how frequently that program might get used, although you might be a different story. The typing on them is a little funny because the keyboard is so small. It takes a little getting used to, but it essentially means very little hand movement. I was able to type almost as fast I normally do with very little adjusting, although, the mistakes I made sometimes required me to look down and spot the backspace button, since it is pretty damn small. My sister got an Asus Eee PC 1000H, which is damn fine machine for a few different reasons, but it was much more expensive than mine. Hers was around $575, but it came with Windows XP. It's got internal blue tooth, so you can have a wireless mouse just find it and you won't have to deal with the touch pad. It's also got a 10 inch screen instead of my 8.9 inch screen. And, it's got a wireless a/b/g/n card. The key there is n. Most networks are running on g. The speed and signal strength is just fine, but n is the next generation and features faster transfer rates of information and a larger signal coverage area.

So, the netbook craze is sweeping the nation and for good reason. It's about time that consumers were able to get a little machine that fits well in their daily lives and comes as a paired down price for the paired down functionality. I wouldn't be a bit suprised if Apple jumps on the band wagon with a machine of their own soon, I imagine that they'll take the concept to unthought of levels of functionality and design, but I also imagine that it will be cost prohibitive for the average consumer. With the holiday season behind us, there are going to be deal to be had, but there's bound to be a new generation of netbooks on the market soon, so tread lightly.

Difficult Waters to Navigate

2008-12-29T13:52:00.000-05:00

I've been waffling for about 3 years regarding my future career. I'm currently in x-ray school and will be done in a few months, but this was never my goal. I've always wanted to be more involved in the process of helping people. My experience as an x-ray tech has only confirmed my early suspicious, that I don't want to do it. We just move people through the system and don't have any opportunity to learn or offer much comfort. I'm amazed at my co-workers ability to be numb to the happenings around them. They're good people, but they're just not curious about the things that happen to us as techs. I simply have a desire to know what's next in the process for theses patients of ours. I want to be challenged and I know that my current educational adventures aren't going to offer me much of a challenge. So, I've begun another series of e-mails to colleges and university's asking for help trying to figure out the muddy waters. Being older than most of the children trying to get into medical school or PA school is certainly a challenge for me to try and overcome, but if any of this was easy, I wouldn't like it. I sometimes get concerned that my ambition overreaches my ability, but then I get into a mental loop supporting and knocking down the idea. If you never aim for something big, you just end up being small. If you are always aiming for something bigger, you're never content. For three years I've been living with this internal loop. I'm glad that this x-ray adventure is coming to a close, because it will force me to move forward.

King of a castle

2008-12-28T12:04:00.000-05:00

My folks took off this a.m. for the sunny, but chilly adventures in Florida that await them. It's a good thing that I was sleeping because I might have gotten a little teary eyed. I suspect my dad did on his way out of my bedroom because he's weepy like that. It's funny how as I've aged like a fine cheese, I've grown to appreciate my parents more. I think I really will miss having them around, but I am glad to have the castle to myself for 3 months.

It's already been suggested to me by some friends I had over last night that it might be time for a dinner party of sorts. It has been quite a while since the entertainer has played his tune. I was invited to another friends home today for adventures in Guitar Hero, but had to beg off. Finally having this glorious home to myself, I feel the need to turn the volume up to 50 and enjoy it in all of it's lonely solitude.

I woke up this a.m. to internal thoughts warning me to beware of grandiosity. The answering internal thoughts wonder how anything grand is ever accomplished. The third internal thought is curious if the second internal thought is a revolutionary that should be monitored more closely.

20% decline in holiday spending

2008-12-26T10:33:00.000-05:00

The build up to the holiday season was just so filled with doom and gloom. Everyone I was talking to was commenting on how awful the economy is and how terrifying things really were. In years past, I don't remember the sort of fright surrounding a holiday season. Today, 12/26/08, I just read that consumers spent 20% less during the holiday season and it marks a 4 decade low in spending. This ain't good in lots of ways, but I can only relate it to my particular experience. My family drew names and we stuck to the plan. Everyone in the family got one present from another member and only received one present. Frankly, I'm okay with it, the stress from the event was virtually nil. I was able to focus on just one gift for one person and really had a good time shopping for it. The gift I got, a paper shredder, is great. Merry Christmas, but look out because from what I hear, the sky is falling.

The point to human contact

2008-12-24T21:04:00.000-05:00

I finally found out how to log into this blog site. I've lately been reading a lot of blogs and pondering my lack of blogging in general. I wonder what the point is behind it all, but I understand the cathartic nature of releasing your thoughts through a keyboard. After reading some blogs from some frankly wonderful writers, I think I'm going to try and make a more concerted effort in this regard.

Geocaching Hunt is On!

2008-03-07T15:08:00.000-05:00

I'm off to collect some cache's with my new GPS unit near my house. This is the first post on my blog, but feel free to click on the ads because apparantly it warrants me 10 cents each time you do.

A successful hunt. I bagged three caches around my house. Had one that I couldn't find, but I only gave up after donating blood to the ecosystem via thorn-letting. My last cache was right next to an elementary school and it was in a virtual trash heap. Just a rotten mess of a cache and it was a crummy way to end the adventure, but at least I can warn my buddy about it. Came away with an awesome Star Wars belt buckle and left a bunch of red firemen. Got to play with my camera some more and figure out this blogness a bit.